un poco dramatico

self acceptance has always been the hardest part about being a young mom. for the past ten years i have found myself making excuses to the general public in regards to becoming a mom at 20. mostly because in america i have been met with disapproval. as a matter of fact a good friend of mine (gringa of course) told me very nicely "you did it all wrong" just a few days ago, and that is not the only time i've heard that. i was the only person at my college with a 5 year old, so i interminably had to explain myself to my peers every time they found out. "no i am not an unwed mother, and no i never considered an abortion, and yes i have to pick him up after class."

what a novel and exotic concept! the truth is, in most cultures mothers are young; i find the reason to be that most cultures are family not self or money centered. it's having your first kid after you've become partner at your law firm at 39 which is the oddity. 80% of my childhood friends have at least 3 kids. 100% of them are college educated upper middle class gals, and about 60% have very active careers and social lives. now i do understand that in less developed countries there are'nt many reproductive choices, and a woman who becomes prego has to make it to term whether she wants it or not, but essentially there is always a big support group of other females around to help out. pregnancy is neither fetishized nor stigmatized. its just a part of everyone's life. it's not a deal breaker, or a moneymaker, its just a part of being and sometimes a part of becoming accepted. i know, i know, again with it takes a village, but for me it is not an adage. it's a way a of life and the way i was raised. i had at least six other adults (male and female) very involved in my upbringing other than my parents, and so do my kids.

i was talking to my very pregnant american cousin and she mentioned that she coveted what i have. after all my kids have 3 aunts within 2 miles to choose from, plus a godmother, and recently even my brother flew in from cali to help me out. i'm lucky; at least three times a week one of the "girls" as my son calls them will spend time with us. if i ever need to go somewhere alone i always have someone to turn to.sometimes i have to beg a little, grovel, but they never say no. they're the reason i'm crazy and the reason i'm not. its not a freebie though; i cook for them, i clean up after them, drive them around. it comes with the territory. our family is not limited to those i birthed myself.

now i realize that this post is totes apologetic in addition to laced with catholic guilt. at 30, i'm finally ok motherhood being part of my identity. it only took 8 months of self denial to make me understand. i've always been very stubborn. with N i was somewhat able to compartmentalize my life in order to avoid being judged. i guess i wasn't too young to juggle the responsibilities of motherhood, but i was too young to handle the criticism. i wanted people to see me for myself, not be dismissed as just another mom. i got away with it at least 50% of the time. now being a mom is who i am. who i love to be. no separate agendas.