the begining of the tales 4th grade nothing

i made it. it took a few days, i chewed off every nail, but i made it through the first day of school. never mind the children, it's the moms who have to run that marathon. i still haven't purchased the supplies, and i had to stop at publix pre-drop-off for juice boxes, but even with those snafus i made to the "parent loop" 15 min early, managed to take a decent picture and get to work on time. phew
this is great considering that a week ago i was still waiting for my private catholic school to call me about this wait list thing. you see i had filled out all the paperwork, but in the midst of the new baby, my mother in law living in my house for months to care for said baby, my unemployed husband moving to new york to work, and a pending foreclosure, i forgot to send in the paperwork.
on the last day of school the teacher surprised me by saying "too bad you won't be back next year." my reaction was a very spears-like "huh?" followed by a sprint to the principal's office and getting on a wait list.
i worried over it all summer. my kid needed stability, and i was a horrible mother. how could i have forgotten? the only thing that was the same as last year was school, and i had to do everything in my power to make it happen.
all summer, i called the school weekly to check on the list. nada. two days before school, i just gave up or should i say in, and went to the principal to "beg" yes beg. my son had instructed me to "literally beg mom, ok?" so i did. and i also cried. i let it out. i had a complete meltdown on the principal, and she was very kind to allow it. it had been building up.
i knew then it wasn't so much about the school as much as my insecurity. i cried because my son was being punished because i had been careless. i cried because i knew that was the last time i was going to see the walls of that school, and i cried because i always do when something ends, or in my mind "dies."
the catholic schoolboy days are over for nik. he's no longer going to be babied, protected by the holy trinity from the evils of the world. his old fashioned education had given me, whether real or not, peace of mind. at 9 years old he has outgrown it, and as is usual i'm the last one to notice. i'm also the parent who takes the death of something through the entire stages of grief. he's a big brother now and can take a faster paced and more diverse education. he's ready, and i have to be confident that i've done a great job.
if everything else in our lives has changed, why not the school then? i fought it, and i fought it hard. i feel satisfied to loose; i'm a sweaty boxer who didn't get knocked out. the blows to the head brought me clarity, and with new perspective i'm ready to take my family to the next level.